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Would You Rather be a Happy Loser or a Stressed Out Winner?

Would You Rather be a Happy Loser or a Stressed Out Winner?

A Mindset change that can help you enjoy the journey and get even better results.

Joe Smith
November 22, 2024

Trigger Warning (In this post, there will be content regarding child abuse, complex ptsd, and other topics that may be difficult for some) If you don’t want to read into that part of the post, you can skip to the 2nd chapter “How to avoid being blinded by success”. This post might be darker than my recent ones, but I believe that in order to purse inner peace and develop yourself as a person, it is crucial to identify and journal about the often less talked about aspects of self-improvement. In order to improve oneself, you must go back and achieve a peace of mind with your past experiences and setbacks. Only, then that you’re able to propel yourself in yourself development journey and not let any psychological barriers hold you back as a result of unsettled problems. I try to withhold a positive light while I write this newsletter, but let’s not kid ourselves. We’ve all been through messed up stuff in the past, on this newsletter, it is my mission and desire to be as authentic and genuine as I possibly can. I also try not to sugarcoat the aspects of self-development that may be troublesome for some to discuss, because it would be disingenuous for me to do so. I will be discussing some topics that are generally more positive, but I will also be discussing topics that for a lack of a better term, won’t be. This newsletter is not for the faint of heart, it is not for “ordinary people” not in a derogatory way but basically people who just want to receive generalized advice, this is for the people who genuinely want to make a change in mostly all aspects of performance, hence the name of the newsletter, peak performance. We can categorize performance in 3 sectors, mental, productivity, and physical performance. On this newsletter, we will be discussing mainly performance when it comes to your mental state, because believe that it is often a under looked part of self-improvement that can really change your life as a whole. Most of us can admit, that we’ve all been dealt a fucked-up hand, we experience physical problems, mental problems, and have all wished that we can live an ordinary life, free from the sins of our families’ generational trauma, or from the negative impact that our environment can have on us. I truly believe that the more that these types of topics are discussed, the more people that we will be able to learn and improve ourselves as a whole. With this in mind, we will be able to achieve a peace of mind, eliminating the negative influences that has been with us for far too long. This newsletter basically acts as like a journal and as a way to write down and reflect on my past experiences, whilst also providing high quality education to the masses who seek physical and mental freedom. It’s a win-win for both of us. In this edition of the Peak Performance newsletter, we will be discussing 1. Which mentality are you? 2. How to avoid being blinded by “success” 3. How to get the best of both worlds This post is definitely different in comparison to the posts that I usually write, but I thought that this edition will certainly be helpful for people who are currently experiencing stress when it comes to achieving success in their lives. So, on this edition we will be focusing more on the mental/philosophical side of self-improvement which is definitely an important aspect that not many people talk about in this space. But before we start… My Goal with this Newsletter is to provide education on productivity, mental, and physical performance that will change your life. This newsletter not only is a place of education but also, an opportunity to cultivate a fostering community of strong and ambitious young men so that we are able to help out one another in these times of weakness and comfort. Because the hard times are coming soon. I don’t know exactly when, but I assume that it will happen in our generation’s lifespan, like how the saying goes, easy times create weak men, and weak men create hard times. Throughout these posts, I will be only talking about my stories and the mistakes/lessons that I’ve made along the way. So hopefully this will be a place where people can talk about their problems and uplift one another. If that resonates with you, I’ll highly appreciate it if you subscribe to this newsletter so that you will be up to date with the latest information and get access to exclusive posts like this one, it’s a win-win for both of us.
Let’s begin!

Trigger Warning (In this post, there will be content regarding child abuse, complex ptsd, and other topics that may be difficult for some)

If you don’t want to read into that part of the post, you can skip to the 2nd chapter “How to avoid being blinded by success”.

This post might be darker than my recent ones, but I believe that in order to purse inner peace and develop yourself as a person, it is crucial to identify and journal about the often less talked about aspects of self-improvement. In order to improve oneself, you must go back and achieve a peace of mind with your past experiences and setbacks. Only, then that you’re able to propel yourself in yourself development journey and not let any psychological barriers hold you back as a result of unsettled problems.

I try to withhold a positive light while I write this newsletter, but let’s not kid ourselves. We’ve all been through messed up stuff in the past, on this newsletter, it is my mission and desire to be as authentic and genuine as I possibly can. I also try not to sugarcoat the aspects of self-development that may be troublesome for some to discuss, because it would be disingenuous for me to do so.

I will be discussing some topics that are generally more positive, but I will also be discussing topics that for a lack of a better term, won’t be.

This newsletter is not for the faint of heart, it is not for “ordinary people” not in a derogatory way but basically people who just want to receive generalized advice, this is for the people who genuinely want to make a change in mostly all aspects of performance, hence the name of the newsletter, peak performance. We can categorize performance in 3 sectors, mental, productivity, and physical performance.

On this newsletter, we will be discussing mainly performance when it comes to your mental state, because believe that it is often a under looked part of self-improvement that can really change your life as a whole.

Most of us can admit, that we’ve all been dealt a fucked-up hand, we experience physical problems, mental problems, and have all wished that we can live an ordinary life, free from the sins of our families’ generational trauma, or from the negative impact that our environment can have on us.

I truly believe that the more that these types of topics are discussed, the more people that we will be able to learn and improve ourselves as a whole. With this in mind, we will be able to achieve a peace of mind, eliminating the negative influences that has been with us for far too long.

This newsletter basically acts as like a journal and as a way to write down and reflect on my past experiences, whilst also providing high quality education to the masses who seek physical and mental freedom. It’s a win-win for both of us.

In this edition of the Peak Performance newsletter, we will be discussing

1. Which mentality are you?

2. How to avoid being blinded by “success”

3. How to get the best of both worlds

This post is definitely different in comparison to the posts that I usually write, but I thought that this edition will certainly be helpful for people who are currently experiencing stress when it comes to achieving success in their lives.

So, on this edition we will be focusing more on the mental/philosophical side of self-improvement which is definitely an important aspect that not many people talk about in this space.

But before we start…

My Goal with this Newsletter is to provide education on productivity, mental, and physical performance that will change your life.

This newsletter not only is a place of education but also, an opportunity to cultivate a fostering community of strong and ambitious young men so that we are able to help out one another in these times of weakness and comfort.

Because the hard times are coming soon.

I don’t know exactly when, but I assume that it will happen in our generation’s lifespan, like how the saying goes, easy times create weak men, and weak men create hard times.

Throughout these posts, I will be only talking about my stories and the mistakes/lessons that I’ve made along the way. So hopefully this will be a place where people can talk about their problems and uplift one another.

If that resonates with you, I’ll highly appreciate it if you subscribe to this newsletter so that you will be up to date with the latest information and get access to exclusive posts like this one, it’s a win-win for both of us.

Let’s begin!

Which mentality are you?

It often encouraged due to societal pressures, family pressures, peer pressures, that we should always strive for success. It was a mindset that I know all too well throughout my life which can be viewed as a blessing but was probably more of a curse in actuality.

To be completely honest, I wasn’t quite sure on what my next post was going to be, since I planned to write a more in-depth series (similar to the posts on dopamine detox) in the future. It was then that I read an Instagram post with a quote that stated, “Would you rather be a happy loser or a stressed-out winner”?

Before you keep reading, pause for a second and think to yourself, would I like to become the stressed-out winner or the happy loser? Comment below on this post on what mentality that you’ve chosen and why, it would be cool to see what you’ve wrote so that we can get a discussion going. Regardless of what you’ve chosen, what I’m about to share in the following section will maybe change your decision at the end.

Once I saw that quote, it instantly hit me that most people would have chosen the second option, even though I knew that it was actually the first option in a strange sense. This sentence really opened the endless perceptions on the different mentalities that goes about achieving success and also about how we could be going through all of this in the wrong way.

I don’t really know how to transition from this to the next section, so I figured, how about we touch on a little bit of my backstory growing up. I try to be very professional while writing my newsletter, but when it comes to it, I’m just random dude on the internet that is writing as a hobby. Hopefully, what I’m about to tell you can help us relate more to each other and grow a community of like-minded individuals.

Growing up, I always had an unhealthy perception when it came to achieving success. I grew up in an Asian household, so I presume that you already know what I’m about to say next.

During my childhood, I had immense pressure when it came to preforming good in school and being the top of my class. Which can be a healthy goal to the eyes of most individuals, but it really shaped the world that I begin to live in. In Asian culture, your grades make up the majority of your time spent throughout the day. Overtime negative influences and beliefs starting to change my self-image (how you perceive yourself) Overtime, I started to align my own self-worth with my grades in school. I remember back in middle school that I had begun to have a large fixation on grades, even missing opportunities that I could have taken but didn’t in order to ensure that I was doing the best when it came to academics.

During my childhood, whenever I would get good grades, my parents wouldn’t really show any appreciation, but it was when my grades starting to dip even slightly that I would receive very heavy backlash from my relatives, my parents especially on the current status of my grades. It would always be like “Why can’t you work harder”? “Why are you a failure, why can’t you listen in class”? “I thought you were smarter, why can’t you be like your friend”? This a direct translation since it was Vietnamese, but you get the idea.

I received several beatings and constant shouting from my parents about my grades and not living up to their expectations and ideals on the perfect student.

It wasn’t like I wasn’t a good student, I practically overachieved in a sense to the point where I shouldn’t be really concerned about my grades anymore.

The problem was that my perception of success was very distorted in comparison to my peers due to the negative influences and beliefs that I hold onto as a child.

It took a long time before I figured out that I was going about this all wrong…

Due to this, I always lived in constant fear, always in the flight or fight state.

I think that it was during the end of middle school that the symptoms really started to kick in.

I remember being constantly scared of not turning in assignments on time, not listening to the teacher, and my whole entire day revolved around this fixation of grades.

Even worse though, it was when I really noticed that my mental health was plummeting.

I had various symptoms of anxiety; sure, anxiety can be a normal occurrence for people a couple of times throughout the day, but what I didn’t know that I wasn’t supposed to experience it the WHOLE entire day.

My symptoms included high heart rate, shortness of breath, constant checking around the room, stuttering, and mumbling a lot when I talk.

Ok, so you might be wondering, how does my story relate to the topic of this post? (Sorry for rambling on for too long)

Well basically I highlighted the struggles that I faced and the negative consequences because of the path that I’ve taken. I would say that I would be a good representation of the person who is a stressed-out winner. Sure, I might have gotten the “success” of getting the high grades, but at what cost? My mental health? My beliefs about myself? The social experiences that I’ve missed. This is the downside that you face when you take this path of success. This could also be categorized as the bell curve of success, which we will discuss in future posts 😎

How to avoid being blinded by “success”:

So, I assume that the story that I shared to you above wouldn’t be the ideal path of success for most people, and you would be right. Now that was a long time ago, so my beliefs and ideals about working hard have changed a lot for a good reason. I realized to myself that the life of sorrow and basically degrading yourself in order to get to this one goal isn’t the path that I was going to take.

Now let’s analyze back to that story and identify what I did wrong. Sure, I got the good grades and everything, but why was my life going downhill as a result, surely it should go in a positive trend since you’ve worked hard for the end goal, right?

Well, the answer isn’t about if you achieve that form of success or not, what actually matters is your MENTALITY about “success”. Let me explain a little bit further.

Close your eyes and imagine the highest performer at your school, workplace, etc. Ask yourself these questions about that person, would you consider them a high performer when it comes to that setting? Yes. Would you consider them a happy person? Yes. Would you believe that they are fulfilled in their work or studies? Yes. Lastly, would you consider that their mental health is particularly healthily? The answer would be yes.

But wait, how does that make any sense? How can someone be successful while also being fulfilled and happy individual? I thought that there were only 2 paths that I could take, the stressed-out winner or the happy loser.

Well, this is where most person often misunderstand when it comes to achieving success. Success is built on the mentality that you have (How you perceive the world around you) and not how hard you work. Sure, in my example I could be considered a hard worker, but my mentality on how I build that “success” is very skewed and dysfunctional. Say, we take the highest performer and me, we compete with each other to see who gets the highest grades on a test. Who would win?

I would lose 90% of the time, because it wasn’t necessarily because the highest performer worked harder than me, but it was because their mindset on achieving that success is so much more efficient and productive than mine. The stressed-out winner (Which is me in this case) was operating on an outdated mindset that wasn’t serving me, but actually against me. That mindset would be viewed as the scarcity mindset, you see, I wasn’t trying to perform well on the test because I enjoyed the thrill of being challenged, but it was simply due to the fear that I was going to fail.

Just try to comprehend the absolute difference in mentalities between the high performer and basically the scared worker (Which is me sadly) Obviously I’m going to lose against the other person, I won’t even stand a chance against someone of that caliber, all due to the fact that they were in the right mindset that actually served them well in comparison to mine.

Hopefully, you read all this way through and find this topic very interesting, since I was very intrigued while writing this post right now. It is absolutely insane on the sheer impact that your mindset has on your ability to perform at your best. Just a quick reminder, if you’re enjoying what you’re reading so far, I got tons more like this coming on the way. So, if you want to stay up to date on my latest posts, then feel free to subscribe to the Peak Performance Newsletter to get access to more of this high-quality education like this one. It’s a win-win for both of us.

How to get the best of both worlds:)

So, you’ve learned about 2 different mentalities so far, the mentality of the stressed-out winner and the mentality of the high performer. You’ve also learned a little bit about my story and the common misconception about achieving success.

So now you are ready to combine both mentalities into the one that serves you the best. You combine the stressed-out winner with the happy loser to get the high performer, the best of worlds.

Now you might be wondering, how do I achieve this? Don’t worry, as I will lay out a step-by-step process where you are able to take action on what you’ve learnt so that you can see the results in no time, let’s get started 😎

Identify and destroy any old/outdated beliefs that you had about achieving success first.

Ask yourself, what current beliefs do I have about achieved success at the moment. Does this mindset help me reach my goals? Do I see any downsides to this mindset? Is this mindset the best for optimal growth when it comes to achieving my goals the fastest? Do I feel fulfilled when I have this mindset?

Identify the experiences and beliefs that you had during your childhood/adulthood that led you to have this mindset.

Ask yourself, what experiences led me to think that way? What negative influences led me to believe this way? Was it due to my environment that led me to believe this way?

What beliefs do I have to adapt in order to become that high performer?

Ask yourself, how would the highest performer think? What are their beliefs on winning? What are their beliefs on losing? What drives them to achieve success? What positive beliefs helps them stay fulfilled while achieving success?

Implant these beliefs into your mind in order to reinforce the new mentality

Take a pen and a piece of paper, write down the beliefs of the high performer as affirmations (sayings). Take the time to say these affirmations out loud either morning, afternoon, night etc. Constantly remind yourself of your new beliefs in your head, when you're working, etc.

Very important action step, when you begin to notice that your old beliefs on success is flooding your mind, take note of it and then replace these old beliefs with the new beliefs by restating them in your mind.

Keep these practices consistently, and you’ll notice overtime that the new mentality will begin to reinforce in your mind. After while of practice, you’ll reach a state where these positive beliefs will be automatic (meaning that you won’t even have to manually place them into your mind anymore) That is the sign that you were able to successfully replace your old mindset to now your new mindset.

“The person who works hard can never beat the person who enjoys himself”

Author’s Notes:

I hoped that you’ve enjoyed this edition of the Peak Performance Newsletter, it was a bit different than my previous ones, but it is absolutely essential to cover in terms of mental performance. I hoped that you’ve enjoyed reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it. In this post, you were also able to learn a bit about my backstory and the trials and tribulations that I had to overcome to gain this knowledge that you’ve learnt in this post. All in the effort to build our community of like-minded individuals who strive to become a better version of ourselves.

I do humbly apologize for the lack of uploads this couple past weeks, I was dealing with some mental health issues that occurred during that time. Doing some deep introspection to really identify the next layer of my purpose while on my self-development journey. During that time, I was able to visualize the life that I had planned for myself, the habits that I would do, the type of person that my future self would be proud of. Basically, the current trajectory that I’m going on so far. But now I can safely say at the very least that I know what I’m going to be working on now, which include the development of this newsletter. So, expect some more consistent uploads for this week and beyond 😎

So, did you enjoy this post? Did you hate it? Did you help you out? Comment below your thoughts on it below in the comment section. It will really help me out. If you did enjoy it and would like to see more, feel free to subscribe to the Peak Performance Newsletter to stay up to date whenever I upload and gain access to high quality education when it comes to becoming the best version of yourself. It’s a win-win for both of us.

I may be biased but I believe this is one of my best posts so far, I was very fulfilled and purposeful while I was writing this one.

Also, feel free to share this post if I you believe that it can help someone out, I’ll heavily appreciate it.

I’ll see you in the next edition of the Peak Performance Newsletter, peace 😎✌

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